Tiger Woods (not pictured above due to being at the concession stand looking for a date) in an undated photgraph at a minature golf course. (Photo: Creative Commons)
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Tiger Woods Bad Boys of Miniature Golf Pro-Am Tournament Weekend
January 3, 2011
by shf
EL CENTRO, Calif. (FASTLAUGH.com) – Radio and TV stations, billboards, and the last two newpapers remaining throughout the entire Coachella, Imperial and Mexicali Valley’s, have blanketed the tri-valley region with a massive blitz of advertising for the inaugural Tiger Woods Bad Boys of Miniature Golf Pro-Am Tournament Weekend coming to the Imperial County Expo & Fairgrounds on the closing weekend of the California Mid-Winter Fair and Fiesta, March 3-6, 2011.
Competition is now underway to select ten young ladies from the dozens of local girls-next-door who have been vying to be chosen as a Tigress for the tournament.
Woods will personally audition each of the ten lucky Tigresses and then announce, on the first day of the tourney, which one has advanced to earn the title, Queen of the Bad Boys.
Beloved comedian and local favorite, Paul Rodriguez, is rumored to be on tap as the Grand Marshall.
Woods, in an earnest statement sent as a text message from the cell phone that he was just recently allowed to start carrying and using again, indicated that he had “spent much of the first six months of my spousally-imposed banishment from golf taking my kids to play miniature golf.”
His text message continued, “My lawyers found a loophole in Elin’s revised prenup that enabled me to play miniature golf with my kids so I took them to play putt-putt nearly every day for the next several months (incidently, guys, having cute little kids with you at putt-putt is a real babe magnet).”
His message momentarily digressed, “Oh, and just so you know, I wouldn’t have had that knee surgery a couple of years ago if I had known my wife was going to make me give up golf a year later. I would have waited until the last possible minute for that surgery. I missed out on lots of strange during all those months of recovery.”
Getting back to the point of the message, Woods’ text continued, “Anyhow, playing putt-putt with my kids and seeing all of the cute young mommies there is how I got this idea for the Tiger Woods Bad Boys of Miniature Golf Pro-Am Tournament Weekend.”
He went on to explain what prompted him to choose the Imperial Valley as the locale for staging his comeback this winter, saying that “the winter weather there is about the best in the country. That’s why snowbird RVers flock there like geese from all over the U.S. and Canada, despite that part of the country being so sparsely populated. The locals get really excited about seeing a celebrity, ANY celebrity, even if that celebrity is a huge ass like me.”
Located in the isolated, far southeast corner of California within nose-shot of the fetid and rapidly dying Salton Sea, the Imperial County Expo & Fairgrounds seems an ideal location for Woods to attempt staging a comeback following the scandal that rocked the golfing world in late 2009 derailing his golfing career, his family life, and to a much greater extent, his extramarital sex life.