Lieberman disputes claims of apology to senate colleagues over healthcare tension
December 15, 2009
WASHINGTON (FASTLAUGH.com) – Sen. Joe Lieberman (Conn.) told his Democratic colleagues at the White House today that despite begrudgingly having “maybe, perhaps, only the itsy, bitsy, teenie, weeniest speck of regret” for creating a paralyzing legislative logjam and the ensuing tension within their conference during the healthcare debate, that he would proactively seek out any opportunity to do it again until he finally got his way.
Lieberman, the Democrat-turned-Wink-Wink-Independent, who maintains the sham that he still caucuses with his former party, landed far short of anything even vaguely resembling an apology as he scolded his senate colleagues, pointedly telling them, “…keep screwing with ‘The Lieberman’ and someone’s gonna be sorry.”
That led a senior Democrat, who had been repeatedly dozing off at key points during the meeting while listening to Lieberman’s incessant droning, to erroneously deduce from Lieberman’s comments that this was finally the long-overdue apology that they had all been hoping to get as an early holiday gift.
Despite Lieberman not even remotely approaching actually saying the word “sorry” in the context of an apology, the dispute raged on into the evening about Lieberman’s “non-apology, apology” for maintaining his bedrock obstinacy to the proposed government-run insurance program and alternative proposal that would enable people ages 55 to 64 to buy into Medicare.
Vice President Joe Biden is on record for recently having stated, cryptically, that he believes Sen. Lieberman will “see the light” on health care reform. Lieberman reluctantly acted upon Biden’s insistence late this afternoon to “fix this mess,” a short while after being visited by a Biden aide and told, “You don’t want for Joey the Veep to have to take you on a ‘long ride out to the country’ on Amtrak.”
Hours later, Lieberman arrived at a hastily called confab that he had requested with his five senate colleagues from the Tri-state region of New York, New Jersey and Connecticut.
Reliable sources on Capitol Hill leaked key details about the meeting between Lieberman and his five Democratic colleagues, Sen. Chuck Schumer (New York), Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand (New York), Sen. Bob Menendez (New Jersey), Sen. Frank Lautenberg (New Jersey), and Sen. Chris Dodd (Conn.).
Improbably, despite the toxic animosity that pervades the healthcare debate, a compromise may soon be in the offing according to these confidential, unnamed sources. Lieberman has “reportedly offered to immediately withdraw his opposition and throw his full support behind the Democrat’s efforts to pass the landmark healthcare legislation.”
The source continued, “Here’s what it pretty much boils down to as of right now… Lieberman is prepared to 180 and pimp out his vote on healthcare in exchange for Schumer and Gillibrand agreeing to have New York State swap its name-order position with Connecticut, thereby conferring its de facto number one ranking in the Tri-state region to Connecticut.”
Lieberman had moments earier announced to his dumbfounded colleagues that, “…in the longstanding ‘hamburger, fries, and a vanilla shake’ world of recitation order that has dictated the implied ranking of the Tri-state region’s three states, Connecticuters are just sick and tired of forever being the “sticky vanilla shake” to New York’s “big, juicy burger” and New Jersey’s “greasy fries.”
“I’m getting to the position where I can say what I wanted to say all along, that I’m ready to vote for healthcare reform.” The senator continued, “The fine citizens of the great state of Connecticut who have elected and then improbably re-elected me to serve them in the U.S. Senate to look after their interests will be the big winners here.”
“Don’t you see… that’s what Joementum is really all about,” he went on, “Now, not only will Connecticuters soon get to enjoy Congress’ heavily watered-down semblance of healthcare coverage thanks to me, but now they also get a holiday gift thanks to me because of my uncompromising, special-interest stubbornness. Very soon these fine citizens of the great state of Connecticut will get to proudly enjoy calling themselves the ‘big, juicy burger’ in the newly-ranked and designated ‘Connecticut, New Jersey and New York Tri-state region.’ Now, that’s what good government is all about.”