Palin 2012 T-shirt, MY HEART BELONGS TO A PALM READER, selling briskly February 7, 2010 by shf FASTLAUGH.com [...] T-shirt with the slogan MY HEART BELONGS TO A PALM READER (minus the Sarah Palin image and the Palin 2012 text) @ cafepress.com
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Posted 07 February 2010
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POLITICS
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Tagged: 2012 presidential campaign, cheater, conservative, crib notes, GOP, Nashville, Palin, Palin 2012, palm, Palm Reader, POTUS, Presidency, Republicans, Sarah Palin, T-shirts, Tea Party Convention, TelePalm
Fiorina’s Sheep ad fleeces facts February 7, 2010 by shf SAN FRANCISCO (FASTLAUGH.com) — Republican Senate candidate Carly Fiorina fleeced the facts when she pandered to the far right with her recent internet Sheep ad in a desperate and transparent bid to use humor as a cover for her deception, and to ingratiate herself with [...]
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Posted 07 February 2010
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POLITICS
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Tagged: alpacas, antelope, attack ad, bison, camels, campaigns, candidates, Carly, Carly Fiorina, cattle, conservatives, deception, deceptive advertising, deer, demon sheep, Fiorina, fleece, giraffes, goats, humor in advertising, internet ads, llamas, mammals, nilgai, Oakland CA, pandering, press conference, pronghorn, Republicans, right-wing, ruminants, Senate, sheep, Tom Campbell, water buffalo, wildebeest, yak
Edwards sex tape leaked February 07, 2010 by shf PITTSBORO, N.C. (FASTLAUGH.com) — Superior Court Judge Abraham Penn Jones sternly demanded under threat of contempt that Andrew Young, sycophant former aide to two-time presidential candidate John Edwards, relinquish to his court by next Wednesday, the flagrante delicto video featuring Edwards and his then-pregnant mistress Rielle [...]
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Posted 07 February 2010
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POLITICS
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Tagged: Andrew Young, Atlanta, citizenry, coiffed, comb, comtempt of court, court, Democrats, distractions, flagrante delicto, hairbrush, haircut, John Edwards, mistress, Pants on the Ground, pregnant mistress, presidential candidate, Red Ink, Rielle Hunter, safety deposit box, sex, sex tape, sycophant, tattoo, tattoo parlor, tramp stamp, viral video, YouTube
Clunkers for Toyotas February 5, 2010 by shf WASHINGTON (FASTLAUGH.com) — The Obama administration smacked the smug off the corporate face of Japanese auto giant Toyota this afternoon, holding an emergency press conference to announce an unprecedented relief program for U.S. consumers stuck with defective Toyota vehicles. U.S. Department of Transportation Deputy Secretary John D. [...]
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Posted 05 February 2010
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BUSINESS
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Tagged: Accelerator Pedal Assembly Friction Devices, Auto industry, automobile, billion dollar, Bo (Obama's dog), cars, Cash for Clunkers, Clunkers for Toyotas, consumers, defective, Department of Transportation, Drill Baby Drill, emergency bailout, federal government, gas-guzzlers, government, Japan, John D. Porcari, muzzle, Obama administration, oil, Prius, Ray LaHood, right-wing, ritual suicide, stimulus funds, stockpile, Toyota, Transportation Secretary
Zsa Zsa as California’s First Princess? January 25, 2010 by shf WEST HOLLYWOOD, Calif. (FASTLAUGH.com) — Hungarian-born actress and socialite Zsa Zsa Gabor’s ninth husband, Prince Frederic von Anhalt, 65, held a news conference in West Hollywood on Monday to unveil a huge billboard of himself outfitted as a Park Avenue doorman, and to announce [...]
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Posted 26 January 2010
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POLITICS
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Tagged: 60s sitcoms, affairs, amnesty, Anna Nicole Smith, babies, Belair, billboard, broad amnesty, California, campaign, cop-slapping, countryside, daughters, doorman, earworm, Eva Gabor, farming, fiscally conservative, gay marraige, German-born, Governor, Green Acres, headline-seeking, illegal immigrants, legalization of marijuana, Lisa Douglas, marijuana, news conference, Park Avenue, Playboy magazine, POLITICS, pot, prince, Prince Frederic von Anhalt, princess, props, quixotic, Republicans, Rodeo Drive, Sacramento, Schwarzenegger, sitcoms, slap cops, socialite, socially liberal, stores, theme songs, whores, Zsa Zsa Gabor
Leno wangles chance to bomb in former slot January 22, 2010 by shf BURBANK, Calif. (FASTLAUGH.com) — Affiliates 1, NBC 0, Conan $45,000,000. Shortly after reaching a forty-five million dollar exit deal with Conan O’Brien, and yielding to a withering firestorm from burned affiliates earlier this month, panicked NBC executives yesterday revealed their latest scheme [...]
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Posted 22 January 2010
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ENTERTAINMENT
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Tagged: advertising, advertising revenue, affiliates, attention-span, audience, boredom, Burbank, Conan O’Brien, drivel, ego, ENTERTAINMENT, executives, face-saving, infomercials, interstitials, Jay Leno, Jeff Gaspin, late-night, Leno, local news, M*A*S*H, NBC, NBC Universal Television Entertainment, newscast, prime-time, reruns, revenue, Tonight Show, TV, viewership, yacker
Edwards confesses paternity, continues denials of campaign fund misuse January 21, 2010 by shf CHARLOTTE, N.C. (FASTLAUGH.com) – With his credibility irrevocably shattered after finally admitting this morning that he fathered a child with his mistress while his wife was valiantly battling incurable cancer, former North Carolina senator and failed presidential candidate John Edwards continues [...]
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Posted 21 January 2010
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POLITICS
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Tagged: affair, Bernie Madoff, brush (hair), campaign, campaign finance, cancer, cellmate, comb (hair), confession, credibility, daughter, Democratic, Democrats, denials, Elizabeth Edwards, fall from grace, federal grand jury, hair, John Edwards, love child, lustrous hair, mistress, nomination, North Carolina, paternity, POLITICS, presidential candidate, prison, Quinn, quixotic, Rielle Hunter, self-delusion, senator, silence, Tiger Woods
Labadee, Ladeedah January 20, 2010 by shf PORT-AU-PRINCE, Haiti (FASTLAUGH.com) – Royal Caribbean International fired back at its critics today for challenging its decision to continue port calls on its private Labadee resort located just 135 km from the horrific scenes of death and devastation in Port-au-Prince. Royal Caribbean’s President and CEO, Adam Goldstein, in [...]
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Posted 20 January 2010
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WORLD
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Tagged: angels, Bangladesh, bar, barbeque, beach, Beatles, cocktails, cruise, death, Desmond, desperation, devastation, disaster, earthquake, economy, family, food, haiti, heaven, Holland America, hurricane, karaoke, Labadee, lyrics, Mexican Riviera, Mexico, mojito, Obladi Oblada, parody, Port-au-Prince, resorts, Royal Caribbean, rubble, satirist, sun, survivors, swim-up bar, tanning, typhoon, Veendam, water
Healthcare reform in hypocritical condition by shf January 10, 2010 WASHINGTON (FASTLAUGH.com) — Congress further dilutes healthcare reform as the usual partisan hacks point fingers and hurl accusations at each other for meaningless political gain over the day’s talking points and news cycle… That says it all for the moment.
Limbaugh: Tests confirm no heart, “Phantom Heart Syndrome” by shf January 3, 2010 HONOLULU (FASTLAUGH.com) – Archconservative U.S. radio host Rush Limbaugh took to the airwaves this morning to assure his faithful listeners that he was on the mend following two days of testing and hospitalization upon experiencing what he characterized as “…excruciating chest pains, [...]
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Posted 03 January 2010
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POLITICS
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Tagged: airwaves, angiogram, archconservative, audience, autonomic nervous system, blessings, bloviate, chest pain, Christmas, conscience, conservative, diagnosis, doctors, emotions, Hawaii, Healthcare, heart, holiday season, Honolulu, hospital, liberals, listeners, medical tests, on the mend, pain, Phantom Heart Syndrome, polls, radio, radio host, ratings, resorts, Rush Limbaugh, screeds, shaving, soul, spasms, vacation, vestigial emotions
MTV scraps plans for South Padre by shf January 1, 2010 NEW YORK (FASTLAUGH.com) – MTV abruptly announced yesterday that it had scrapped plans for the new reality show, South Padre, modeled after its hit series Jurzee Shore, due to a new Texas law placing heavy restrictions on teen tanning that goes into effect today. [...]
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Posted 01 January 2010
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ENTERTAINMENT
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Tagged: Gulf Coast, Jersey Shore, Jurzee, Jurzee Shore, laws, MTV, New Jersey, South Padre Island, tanning, Teens, Texas, TV
FastLaugh.com Poll: Biggest Crotch Bombs of 2009 December 30, 2009 by shf DESERT PALMS, Calif. (FASTLAUGH.com) — The results are now final… Despite a very spirited and thankfully unsuccessful last-week-of-the-year-challenge by Umar Farouk Abdul Mutallab, the winner of FastLaugh’s “Who’s the biggest Crotch Bomb of 2009?” poll is… Tiger Woods As recently as a few [...]
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Posted 30 December 2009
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SOCIETY
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Tagged: air travel, Amsterdam, Appalachian Trail, Bernie Madoff, charts, crotch bomb, Detroit, fall from grace, graphs, John Edwards, Mark Sanford, Northwest Airlines, South Carolina, terrorism, Tiger Woods, UFAM, Umar Farouk Abdul Mutallab
Tiger Woods sweeps PGA Tour’s top two awards December 19, 2009 by shf PONTE VEDRA BEACH, Fla. (FASTLAUGH.com) – Tiger Woods, boosted by the recent implosion of his golfing career, his family life, and most significantly his extramarital sex life, swept both of the PGA Tour’s top awards for the first time this year. It’s [...]
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Posted 19 December 2009
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SPORTS
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Tagged: awards, Bad Boy, balloting, career, chip shot, extramarital sex, family life, generous, golf, John Daly, PGA, scandals, sex, sexting, texting, Tiger Woods, voting, Woodsing
Tehranosaurus Wrecks Twitter by shf December 18, 2009 SAN FRANCISCO, Calif. (FASTLAUGH.com) – Iranian Cyber Army 1, Twitter 0. Twitter challenges rematch, proposes best two-out-of-three.
First Bank of Madoff issuing 79.9% interest credit card December 17, 2009 by shf BUTNER, N.C. (FASTLAUGH.com) — The First Bank of Madoff skirted newly enacted credit card interest regulations today, introducing a 79.9 percent interest credit card. It had been widely believed that Bernie Madoff’s prison financial interests were limited solely to controlling the [...]
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Posted 17 December 2009
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BUSINESS
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Tagged: 79.9%, Bernie Madoff, credit, credit card, financial abuse, First Bank of Madoff, First Premier Bank, interest regulations, loopholes, Ponzi, prison, subprime, Twitter, U.S. consumers, Zhu Zhu Pets
Britain checks cheques after three centuries Dec 16, 2009 by shf LONDON (FASTLAUGH.com) – Three centuries on, but now bounced from a fourth, the unassuming yet versatile cheque was stamped void as of 2018 in Britain after getting the slip today by British banks advocating the return to a financial system based upon the peat [...]
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Posted 16 December 2009
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BUSINESS
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Tagged: banking, Britain, budget cuts, century, check, cheque, chequebook (checkbook), currency, days of yore, financial system, government misspending, infestation, mattress, peat moss, Pied Piper, plague, quills, rodent, Royal Mail, Samuel Pepys
Lieberman disputes claims of apology to senate colleagues over healthcare tension By shf December 15, 2009 WASHINGTON (FASTLAUGH.com) – Sen. Joe Lieberman (Conn.) told his Democratic colleagues at the White House today that despite begrudgingly having “maybe, perhaps, only the itsy, bitsy, teenie, weeniest speck of regret” for creating a paralyzing legislative logjam and the [...]
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Posted 16 December 2009
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POLITICS
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Tagged: Amtrak, anger, apology, Biden, big juicy burger, Capitol Hill, color psychology, Congress, Connecticut, Democrats, Dodd, emotions, fries, Gillibrand, government, government misspending, greasy fries, Hadassah Lieberman, health insurance, healthcare debate, hostility, Joe Lieberman, Joementum, Joey the Veep, Lautenberg, Medicare, Menendez, New Jersey, New York, Schumer, sticky vanilla shake, Tri-state, U.S. Senator, vote, White House
Jurzee Shore, “A Very Tanned New Year’s Eve” [SPOILER ALERT] – Jurzee Shore, Season 2: Back at the Beach, Episode 2.3, “A Very Tanned New Year’s Eve” – Air Date 12.31.09 – The gang’s New Year’s Eve plans are short-circuited when a breakaway mylar balloon gets tangled in a nearby electric pole, knocking out all [...]
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Posted 16 December 2009
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Tagged: balloon, beach, gel, Guidette, Guido, Jersey Shore, Jurzee, MTV, New Jersey, New Year's Eve, power failure, tanning, tanning bed
Octopus has got a lovely bunch of coconuts December 15, 2009 by shf SYDNEY (FASTLAUGH.com) – Marine biologists in Australia revealed a stunning discovery this week – an octopus in Indonesia that gathers coconut shells for shelter and then later reuses them as a form of currency for bartering in the underwater economy prevalent in [...]
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Posted 15 December 2009
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SCI/TECH
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Tagged: animal, Australia, barter, biology, cephalopod, coconut, coleoidea, crabs, currency, economy, evolution, financial system, fish, Future Biology, Indonesia, invertebrate, marine biologist, nap, ocean, Octopus, scallops, shell, shelter, shrimp, tool
LeBron filches fries, fries fan December 14, 2009 by shf OKLAHOMA CITY, OK (FASTLAUGH.com) – A ridiculous new food abuse trend has engulfed the sports world of late, as coaches such as Brian Kelly (Notre Dame’s new coach) are having their homes pelted with eggs thrown by angry fans, and players such as Cleveland’s LeBron [...]
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Posted 14 December 2009
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SPORTS
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Tagged: angry fans, basketball, Cavaliers, cheese, eggs, fans, food abuse, free, French fries, fries, jalapeno, kettles, LeBron James, molten, nacho cheese sauce, Oklahoma City, players, sports world, Thunder, vendor
Miracle on the Jurzee Shore December 14, 2009 by shf (FASTLAUGH.com) Reminder to self… must remember to program TiVo to record the heartwarming, upcoming Christmas episode of MTV’s Jurzee Shore, “Miracle on the Jurzee Shore,” as two of the wannabe Guidos, Ronnie and Mike, run out of gel on Christmas Eve and learn to appreciate [...]
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Posted 14 December 2009
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ENTERTAINMENT
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Tagged: beach, Christmas Eve, family, friends, gel, Guidette, Guido, Jersey Shore, Jurzee, miracle, MTV, New Jersey, tanning, tanning bed, TiVo, wannabe
EXTRA! EXTRA! *** Read all about it! *** News from 2011! *** Why wait a whole ‘nother year when you can get it here today! *** EXTRA! EXTRA! Tiger Woods Bad Boys of Miniature Golf Pro-Am Tournament Weekend January 3, 2011 by shf EL CENTRO, Calif. (FASTLAUGH.com) – Radio and TV stations, billboards, and the [...]
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Posted 13 December 2009
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Tagged: 2011, advertising blitz, asses, babe magnet, bad boys, billboards, California, career, celebrity, cell phone, Coachella Valley, comebacks, cute young mommies, El Centro, expo, EXTRA! EXTRA!, extramarital sex life, fair, fairgrounds, family life, fiesta, golf, huge asses, Imperial Valley, kids, knee surgery, lawyer, loopholes, Mexicali, miniature golf, mobile phone, newspapers, Paul Rodriguez, prenup, pro-am, putt-putt, Queen, radio, radio and TV stations, RV, Salton Sea, scandal, sex, sex life, snowbirds, surgery, text message, Tiger Woods, Tigress, tournament, tri-valley region, TV, weather
Palin promoting pop-up version of her bestselling book December 11, 2009 by shf WASILLA, Alaska (FASTLAUGH.com) – Basking in adoration from the publicity blitz for her New York Times bestselling book, Going Rogue, former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin announced this afternoon that her publisher has greenlighted production of a pop-up, musical version of her book [...]
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Posted 11 December 2009
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POLITICS
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Tagged: bestsellers, books, children's books, Going Rogue, Palin, political supporters, pop-up, publicity, publishing, reading, Sarah Palin
Australia anticipating development boom in Outback from massive iceberg Dec 11, 2009 by shf SYDNEY (FASTLAUGH.com) – Australian Economic Development officials issued a wildly optimistic assessment today regarding the gigantic iceberg floating directly towards the country’s southwest coast. The Bureau of Meteorology reported that the ice behemoth, which split from the vast Antarctic ice shelf [...]
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Posted 11 December 2009
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WORLD
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Tagged: Alice Springs, Antarctic, Australia, bonzer, casino, development boom, Economic Development, fake lake, glaciologist, global warming, golf, golf courses, grass, iceberg, lakes, Mini-me, mother lode, myth, ocean, Outback, Outback Restaurant, pure water, reservoir, resorts, sea temperature, shrimp-on-the-barbie, slang, strip mall, unsustainable, water, Wollongong-Fairy Meadow
Sanford divorce filing December 11, 2009 by shf CHARLESTON, S.C. (FASTLAUGH.com) – Jenny Sanford, South Carolina’s gracious and dignified first lady, filed divorce papers today on the grounds of adultery following months of fruitless reconcilliation attempts with Governor Mark Sanford, her husband of two decades. Gov. Sanford and his ‘stimulus package’ disappeared for several days [...]
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Posted 11 December 2009
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POLITICS
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Tagged: adultery, affairs, Appalachian Trail, Argentina, bear, crying, disappearance, divorce, eaten by a bear, forbidden, golf, Governor, hiking, loyal staffers, Mark Sanford, mauled, moral failure, POLITICS, radio silence, sneaking, soul-mate, South Carolina, stimulus package, tears, Tiger Woods, warnings
Windows 7 installation bug resolved December 10, 2009 by shf REDMOND, Wash. (FASTLAUGH.com) — With the launch of Windows 7 now several weeks old, nearly one-third of users have reported problems with upgrading to Windows 7, claiming that the process is buggy. The most common gripe is that the half-day upgrade process gets to the [...]
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Posted 10 December 2009
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SCI/TECH
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Tagged: 62%, advanced degree, advanced settings, Bro, bugs (computer), calculations, coding, computer science, computers, critical Windows 7 bugs, fixes, golden ratio, Graham's number, hack, hard drive, installation, inverse golden ratio, irrational mathematical constant, mathematics, mean derived value, Microsoft, operating systems, physics, Pi, registry hack, software, software upgrades, Windows 7, workarounds
Google claims naming rights to still nameless decade December 9, 2009 by shf MOUNTAIN VIEW, Calif. (FASTLAUGH.com) – With only three weeks remaining until the end of the 00′s, Americans are still clueless when it comes to agreeing what to call the past decade despite having had ten years to figure it out. The Zeroes? [...]
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Posted 09 December 2009
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SCI/TECH
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Tagged: 1970s, 2000, announcements, anthropology, assertions, Aughts, catchphrase, cluelessness, decade, end of decade, extortion, eye wear, forgetfulness, Google, indecision, labels, leaks, linguistics, nameless decade, naming rights, NYC, Ohhhs, Phil Ology, professor, short attention span, slogan, Teens, The Me Decade, The Twoogles Decade, Times Square, Tom Wolfe, UC Berkeley, Y2K, Yahoo!, Zeroes
Tiniest apartment in New York City December 6, 2009 by shf NEW YORK, NY (FASTLAUGH.com) – Zahara and Charles Prokow — and their two cats — live in the tiniest apartment in the city, an 80-square-foot micro-studio one hundred feet below Grand Central Station that the couple bought three months ago for $150,000. At 8 [...]
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Posted 08 December 2009
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Tagged: apartment, bunk, cats, claustrophobic, convenience, dank, Grand Central Station, hole in the wall, home ownership, hotplate, jail cell, Manhattan, Manhattan real estate, Metro-North, micro-studio, mortgage, NYC, real estate, sink, stratosphere, subterranean, subway car, sucks, tiny, tiny apartment, toilet, train station, trains, ventilation, windowlesss
Poll finds sexting a growing trend among seniors December 3, 2009 by shf WASHINGTON (FASTLAUGH.com) — Think your grandma isn’t “sexting”? Think again. Sexting — sharing sexually explicit photos, videos and chat by cell phone or online — now fairly commonplace with young people, is an emerging trend among seniors. More than ten percent of [...]
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Posted 03 December 2009
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SOCIETY
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Tagged: AARP, brains, broken hips, cell phone, chat, children, consequences, dating, decision making, elderly, felony, flirtation, grandchildren, grandma, grandpa, great-grandchildren, hooking up, mobile phone, mortality, nude pictures, nursing home, online, photos, poll, relationships, research, romance, seniors, sex, sexting, sexually explicit photos, sexually explicit videos, sociology, teenagers sexting, trends, videos
Google announces bid for Voice of America November 26, 2009 by shf MOUNTAIN VIEW, Calif. (FASTLAUGH.com) – Following months of speculation after the Obama administration’s unprecedented bailout of the U.S. economy, and the U.S. experiencing an increasingly testy financial relationship with its Chinese bankers, it was announced late yesterday that the administration will immediately begin [...]
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Posted 26 November 2009
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SCI/TECH
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Tagged: bailout, broadcasting, China, foreign debt, Google, news, Obama, programming, science, technology, U.S. economy, Voice of America
Sarah the Cheetah stripped of land speed record September 12, 2009 by shf CINCINNATI, Ohio (FASTLAUGH.com) – Sarah the Cheetah, just days after setting the new record as the world’s fastest female cheetah, was stripped of the world record today after failing a gender verification test to prove that she is a she-cat.
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Posted 12 September 2009
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Tagged: animal, captive breeding, cats, cheetahs, disqualification, fastest, female, gender verification, land speed record, records, Sarah the Cheetah, she-cat, speed, world record, zoos
SEPTEMBER 6, 2009 by shf Mocker-in-chief shf happens TM – All Rights Reserved (C) 2009
