shf happens... by the tweet
- "Democratic group spoofs Romney with 'Sh*t Mitt Says' video" (via @hilltube) http://t.co/qkq2IEcz
- Beagle's Got Bark by Sir Barks-A-Lot #DogSongs @TheHashtagGame #TheHashtagGame
- Crouching Minotaur, Hidden Kraken #MythicalFilms @TheHashtagGame #TheHashtagGame (Cc: @BaconandEggsSandwich - Good one!)
- Hyundai Bloody Hyundai #CarMakeFilms @TheHashtagGame #TheHashtagGame
- Camry Me If You Can #CarMakeFilms @TheHashtagGame #TheHashtagGame
- RT @AlbertBrooks: With Santorum losing one day and winning the next it's hard to know if he's a top or a bottom.
- At $51 per pound of #coffee, #Keurig K-cups better contain some premium Monkey Shit beans or Imma be pissed! #KopiLuwak #KCup
- RT @FrankConniff: Santorum won over GOP voters by convincing them that his hateful intolerance is the most sincere of all the candidates.
- RT @shoegazer41: #FlammableFilms LPGigi
- RT @PeejLovering: The Pickwick PDFs #ModernDickensBooks
- RT @dursleygull: Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (may contain traces of nuts) #HealthAndSafetyFilms
- BREAKING: #Santorum glides to victory in #COCaucus. #GoogleSantorum
- RT @theCara: Rick Santorum won Missouri, proving that while they are the Show Me state, they are certainly not the Google Me state. #gop
- "The 39 Reps" #ExerciseFilms @PerryJerisho
- "Gnomeo and Spirochete" #HealthAndSafetyFilms
- "War Pommel Horse" #ExerciseFilms @PerryJerisho
- "The Pumping Iron Lady" @PerryJerisho #ExerciseFilms
- RT @BorowitzReport: Charles Dickens turns 200 today, making him eligible to perform at next year's SuperBowl halftime. #Dickens
- RT @PerryJerisho: "The Silence of the Cramps" #ExerciseFilms
- Starting an #ExerciseFilms hashtag game? RT @PerryJerisho: "Pilates of the Caribbean" is a typo that probably would have ruined everything.
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Category Archives: shf
Megyn Kelly Essentially
Fox News commentator Megyn Kelly: That nice cop fed all of those ungrateful, dirty #OWS hippies a free vegetarian meal at taxpayer expense. #MegynKellyEssentially
Taylor Swift Pepper Sprayed by Cop
Singer Taylor Swift reacts to getting a mouthful of pepper spray from cop as she accepts the Favorite Country Music Album award for “Speak Now” at the 2011 American Music Awards in Los Angeles November 20, 2011.
Qwikster to dumpster, DVDs shackled to Netflix.com
From: Netflix To: FastLaugh Subject: Qwikster to dumpster, DVDs shackled to Netflix.com Date: Mon, 10 Oct 2011 Dear Subscriber, Reed was way too fucking embarrassed to send you another email himself. And besides, after that last one when he announced Qwikster, the Netflix Board of Directors refused to even let him see this one before [...]
Let them eat carp
SEPTEMBER 22, 2011 Let them eat carp Qu’ils mangent de la carpe by shf CHICAGO (FastLaugh.com) — Asian carp are prolific, plankton-gobbling pests threatening to choke the life out of the Great Lakes, all the while an escalating number of Illinois residents go to bed hungry every night. Illinois officials launched an anti-hunger program today [...]
An Explanation and Some Reflections from Netflix
From: Reed Hastings, Co-Founder and CEO of Netflix To: FastLaugh.com Subject: An Explanation and Some Reflections Date: Mon, 19 Sep 2011 Dear Netflix Subscriber, I fucked up. Big time. Now, with Netflix’s stock tanking and subscribers fleeing, I’m forced to do damage control since my board of directors and our PR folks told me I [...]
Paul “Eddie Munster” Ryan not running for POTUS
AUGUST 22, 2011 Paul “Eddie Munster” Ryan not running for POTUS Loses support of critical widow’s peak voting bloc by shf WASHINGTON, D.C. (FastLaugh.com) — Following a swirl of rumors started last week by political operative Karl Rove (@FakeTurdBlossom) that Munster was consulting with advisers and family members on a possible presidential run, FastLaugh has [...]
Groovy, baby! “Austin Powers: Bond, Junk Bond”
AUGUST 14, 2011 Groovy, baby! “Austin Powers: Bond, Junk Bond” Dr. Evil and Jean-Claude Trichet conspire in bid to collapse the Eurozone By shf FRANKFURT (FastLaugh.com) — Global financial markets were rocked as turmoil from the European debt crisis spiraled out of control, and investors raced to move their holdings to safe havens such as [...]
Bachmann celebrates Ames Straw Poll victory with traditional corndog irrumatio at Iowa State Fair
AUGUST 14, 2011 Bachmann celebrates Ames Straw Poll victory with traditional corndog irrumatio at Iowa State Fair Saves wurst for last as Tina Brown kicks self over last week’s premature ‘Crazy Eyes’ Newsweek cover by shf AMES, Iowa (FastLaugh.com) — Appearing on “Face the Nation” on Sunday morning, Rep. Michele Bachmann stood by her comment [...]
Marlins demote LoMo to Triple-A following repeated Twitter rants
AUGUST 13, 2011 Marlins demote LoMo to Triple-A following repeated Twitter rants LoMo retaliates by tweeting nude locker room photos of Jack McKeon by shf MIAMI (FastLaugh.com) — The Marlins shook up their roster on Saturday night, serving harsh notice to a new generation of social media obsessed ballplayers by demoting one of their young, [...]
Bachmann to trade Hawaii to China for debt forgiveness
AUGUST 10, 2011 Bachmann to trade Hawaii to China for debt forgiveness by shf AMES, IOWA (FastLaugh.com) — Elaborating on a radical debt reduction scheme trumpeted last year by presidential aspirant Sarah Palin, Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.) stated this evening on Fox News, “You know, we’ve got this ginormous… really, really ginormous… debt to China [...]
‘Leaked’ Michele “Crazy Eyes” Bachmann Newsweek Cover
AUGUST 09, 2011 ‘Leaked’ Michele “Crazy Eyes” Bachmann Newsweek Cover by shf NEW YORK (FastLaugh.com) — Newsweek’s Editor-in-Chief Tina Brown reacted defensively this afternoon, chastising reigning Tea Party Queen, Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.) and her political advisors for “recklessly accusing Newsweek of resorting to recycling bottom-of-the-barrel moonbat photo cliches about ‘crazy-eyed’ conservative female public figures.” [...]
NBC blinks order for ‘I Dream of Jeannie’ script after CBS twitches nose for ‘Bewitched’
AUGUST 09, 2011 NBC blinks order for ‘I Dream of Jeannie’ script after CBS twitches nose for ‘Bewitched’ by shf HOLLYWOOD (FastLaugh.com) — NBC, not to be outdone by rival network CBS, greenlighted a script order today for a potential remake of 60s sitcom, ‘I Dream of Jeannie.’ ‘Jeannie’ ran for five seasons on NBC, [...]
A-Rod, MLB to discuss involvement in high-stakes poker games
AUGUST 09, 2011 A-Rod, MLB to discuss involvement in high-stakes poker games by shf NEW YORK (FastLaugh.com) — Alex Rodriguez will meet with officials from Major League Baseball investigating his involvement in high-stakes poker games. MLB will sternly warn him to avoid these allegedly illegal underground poker games with unsavory characters such as Hollywood A-list [...]
Sheen, Gottfried teaming for new HDNet sitcom
Sheen, Gottfried teaming for new HDNet sitcom March 17, 2011 by shf DALLAS (FastLaugh.com) — BREAKING: Charlie Sheen and Gilbert Gottfried teaming for new sitcom on Mark Cuban’s HDNet, titled “Two Half-Assed Men.” No further details are known at this time. Check FastLaugh for updates to this story.
Gilbert Gottfried lands new voiceover gig in Japan following firing by Aflac over tasteless Japan tsunami jokes
Gilbert Gottfried lands new voiceover gig in Japan following firing by Aflac over tasteless Japan tsunami jokes March 14, 2011 by shf TOKYO (FastLaugh.com) — Hours after being abruptly fired by Aflac for his series of tasteless tweets about Japan’s tsunami crisis, Gottfried has already landed a new voiceover gig. Gottfried will provide the voice [...]
Ben & Jerry’s proceeds with plans to test market several flavors of breast milk ice cream in London
Ben & Jerry’s proceeds with plans to test market several flavors of breast milk ice cream in London March 2, 2011 by shf LONDON (FastLaugh.com) — Unilever PLC (ULVR.LN) confirmed today that despite overblown hepatitis fears from the Health Protection Agency and the Food Standards Agency that led to upstart ice cream maker Icecreamists Baby [...]
‘Two and a Half Men’ role reversal… Jake now a man… Charlie now only half a man…
‘Two and a Half Men’ role reversal… Jake now a man… Charlie now only half a man… March 1, 2011 Burbank, CA (FASTLAUGH.com) Posted by shf
shf happens on the road: Texting and driving and elk, Oh my!
shf happens on the road: Texting and driving and elk, Oh my! August 2, 2010 by shf Grand Teton National Park, WY (FASTLAUGH.com) — Note of warning to that graceful elk blissfully sauntering across U.S. Route 89 in Grand Teton National Park. Hey, there — graceful, blissful, sauntering elk… Since so many drivers in Grand [...]
shf happens on the road: Communication brake-down
shf happens on the road: Communication brake-down July 28, 2010 by shf Bighorn Mountain, WY (FASTLAUGH.com) — Hey there, Mr. Forty-Five Foot RV Guy with the Texas plates… That was quite the intestine-liquefying scare you gave yourself and family while careening down from 9,430 feet on Bighorn Mountain in Wyoming, with your SUV wildly in [...]
shf happens on the road: Sign, sign, everywhere a sign
shf happens on the road: Sign, sign, everywhere a sign July 28, 2010 by shf Buffalo Gap National Grassland, SD (FASTLAUGH.com) — Note to the South Dakota Department of Transportation. Hey there, SDDOT… One afternoon recently, a somewhat startled traveler on Highway 44, just west of Scenic, SD in the Buffalo Gap National Grassland, was [...]
shf happens on the road: In the dumps at KOA
shf happens on the road: In the dumps at KOA July 26, 2010 by shf Plattekill, NY (FASTLAUGH.com) — Note to the management of Recreational Adventures Company — a family-owned and operated business — and the largest franchisee of KOA Kampgrounds of America. Hey there, Mr. and Mrs. Kamp… and to the rest of the [...]
shf happens on the road: Bighorn Medicine Wheel
shf happens on the road: Bighorn Medicine Wheel July 24, 2010 by shf Medicine Wheel (Bighorn National Forest), WY (FASTLAUGH.com) — Note to the obnoxious tourist family with the brood of unruly, ADD children. Hey dude and Mrs. dude… When you conceived, and then acted upon, that brilliant idea of dragging your behaviorally-impaired young children [...]
shf happens on the road: Wisconsin’s Cheese Toll
shf happens on the road: Wisconsin’s Cheese Toll July 24, 2010 by shf Beloit, WI (FASTLAUGH.com) — Note of thanks to the Wisconsin Department of Transportation. Dear WisDOT, How refreshing and instantly pleasing it was to cross into your lovely green state after grinding through the repetitive landscape of sticky-fingered toll-booth plazas across Ohio, Indiana, [...]
shf happens on the road: Roadkill in Pennsylvania
shf happens on the road: Roadkill in Pennsylvania July 23, 2010 by shf Roadkill, PA (FASTLAUGH.com) — Note to the Pennsylvania Department of Transportation. Dear PennDOT, Your Welcome Center Division is to be commended for having such incredibly visionary vision: “By assisting motorists as they enter Pennsylvania, the Welcome Center Division will drive safe, efficient [...]
shf happens on the road: Gas pains in South Dakota
shf happens on the road: Gas pains in South Dakota July 22, 2010 by shf Chamberlain, SD (FASTLAUGH.com) — Note to the befuddled gas station cashier in Chamberlain, South Dakota. When a customer prepays you $60.00 for gas and tells you that they will return for their change and receipt, they have good reason to [...]
BP fesses to photo fraud
BP fesses to photo fraud July 22, 2010 by shf Houston, TX (FASTLAUGH.com) — Beyond Pathetic now confirms what had already been widely suspected — that it intentionally posted photoshopped images of its Houston, TX Gulf of Mexico oil spill response crisis room, in a veiled attempt to portray competency and situational awareness. Scott Dean, [...]
Windows 7 SP1 beta leaked, OS tweaks coming late 2010
Windows 7 SP1 beta leaked, OS tweaks coming late 2010 April 8, 2010 by shf REDMOND, Wash. (FASTLAUGH.com) — With the launch of Windows 7 now several months old, and nearly one-third of users having reported problems with upgrading to Windows 7 claiming that the process is buggy, it’s time to get ready for a [...]
Marriage Ref spin-offs in the works, Seinfeld and NBC confirm
Marriage Ref spin-offs in the works, Seinfeld and NBC confirm March 11, 2010 by shf NEW YORK (FASTLAUGH.com) — Grateful NBC executives profusely thanked producer-comedian Jerry Seinfeld today for coming to the Peacock Network’s rescue, with the Seinfeld-produced The Marriage Ref placing a comedy tourniquet on their self-inflicted hemorrhage in the Thursday 10 PM time [...]
NBC’s incessant promos for TV show Parenthood during coverage of Winter Olympics spur condom distribution record
NBC’s incessant promos for TV show Parenthood during coverage of Winter Olympics spur condom distribution record March 2, 2010 by shf VANCOUVER, B.C. (FASTLAUGH.com) — The 2010 Vancouver Olympics have “captured the gold medal for most condoms distributed at a Winter Games,” it was claimed today by an official of Vancouver Coastal Health, who noted [...]
Y2K redux, Sony’s PlayStation 3 units crippled by 8001050F error likely due to calendar rollover screw up
Y2K redux, Sony’s PlayStation 3 units crippled by 8001050F error likely due to calendar rollover screw up March 1, 2010 by shf FOSTER CITY, Calif. (FASTLAUGH.com) — Demonstrating a cautionary tale of the extraordinary power being ceded by humanity to advanced technology, and being wielded by seemingly innocuous calendar bugs to thoroughly disrupt daily life [...]
Sanford to be featured in PETA ad, replacing Tiger Woods
Sanford to be featured in PETA ad, replacing Tiger Woods February 28, 2010 by shf CHARLESTON, S.C. (FASTLAUGH.com) – South Carolina’s randy, philandering Governor Mark Sanford has been selected to replace Tiger Woods as the new poster boy for an upcoming ‘Spay or Neuter’ ad campaign by animal rights group PETA (People for the Ethical [...]
Holland America disappointed by minor tsunami in Hawaii, looks forward to Indian Ocean typhoon season
Holland America disappointed by minor tsunami in Hawaii, looks forward to Indian Ocean typhoon season February 27, 2010 by shf SEATTLE, Wash. (FASTLAUGH.com) — Despite being clearly disappointed that the tsunami in Hawaii did not live up to their eager anticipation and expectations earlier today, senior executives at Holland America Lines — based in Seattle, [...]
Tsunami Cruises to Hawaii, latest trend in Disaster Zone Cruising
Tsunami Cruises to Hawaii, latest trend in Disaster Zone Cruising February 27, 2010 by shf SEATTLE, Wash. (FASTLAUGH.com) — Determined not to be outdone by rival Royal Caribbean Lines’ successful Disaster Zone Cruises to Haiti during last month’s devastating earthquake, Holland America Lines — based in Seattle, Washington — is rapidly mobilizing contingency plans to [...]
Cuss Free Week coming to California
Cuss Free Week coming to California February 25, 2010 by shf SACRAMENTO, Calif. (FASTLAUGH.com) — Despite the massive budgetary disaster that threatens to sink California deep into the Pacific, State Assemblyman Anthony Portantino (D-La Canada Flintridge) flagrantly wasted taxpayers time and money this morning by introducing legislation to consider making next week a statewide profanity-free [...]
Plushenko awarded Polonium-210 medal
Plushenko awarded Polonium-210 medal February 24, 2010 by shf VANCOUVER, B.C. (FASTLAUGH.com) — Olympic figure skater, and classless sore loser, Evgeni Plushenko was unanimously awarded a Polonium-210 medal in Vancouver yesterday. The special medal was awarded to the Russian skater for exhibiting extremely disrespectful behavior towards the International Olympic Committee and towards his fellow competitors. [...]
Mississippi Gov. Haley Barbour, Toyota apologist
Mississippi Gov. Haley Barbour, Toyota apologist February 24, 2010 by shf JACKSON, Miss. (FASTLAUGH.com) — Mississippi Gov. Haley Barbour elaborated on assertions made in his Toyota op-ed piece appearing in The Washington Post this morning, directly placing full blame for the Toyota fiasco on President Obama and his cadre of liberal lawmakers in Congress for [...]
Limbaugh issues statement on Cheney cardiac episode
Limbaugh issues statement on Cheney cardiac episode Febraury 23, 2010 by shf WASHINGTON (FASTLAUGH.com) — Bloviating archconservative U.S. radio host Rush Limbaugh quickly took to the airwaves this afternoon to issue the following statement regarding former U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney’s recent cardiac episode: “First, let me assure you — my loyal and obediant servants [...]
Toyota dealership unaware of recall
Toyota dealership unaware of recall February 23, 2010 by shf TORRANCE, Calif. (FASTLAUGH.com) — Despite rabid media and congressional attention focused on the massive failures of Toyota Motor Corp. for a host of safety issues, at least one Toyota dealership in Southern California was in the dark regarding details of the recall of millions of [...]
Fiorina’s next Demon Ruminant attack ad to accuse Campbell of being a Yaks and Spend Republican
Fiorina’s next Demon Ruminant attack ad to accuse Campbell of being a Yaks and Spend Republican February 8, 2010 by shf [...] Unaltered photo (MPR Photo/Ambar Espinoza) @ http://minnesota.publicradio.org/display/web/2008/12/19/yak_farmer/
Palin 2012 T-shirt, MY HEART BELONGS TO A PALM READER, selling briskly
Palin 2012 T-shirt, MY HEART BELONGS TO A PALM READER, selling briskly February 7, 2010 by shf FASTLAUGH.com [...] T-shirt with the slogan MY HEART BELONGS TO A PALM READER (minus the Sarah Palin image and the Palin 2012 text) @ cafepress.com
Fiorina’s Sheep ad fleeces facts
Fiorina’s Sheep ad fleeces facts February 7, 2010 by shf SAN FRANCISCO (FASTLAUGH.com) — Republican Senate candidate Carly Fiorina fleeced the facts when she pandered to the far right with her recent internet Sheep ad in a desperate and transparent bid to use humor as a cover for her deception, and to ingratiate herself with [...]
Edwards sex tape leaked
Edwards sex tape leaked February 07, 2010 by shf PITTSBORO, N.C. (FASTLAUGH.com) — Superior Court Judge Abraham Penn Jones sternly demanded under threat of contempt that Andrew Young, sycophant former aide to two-time presidential candidate John Edwards, relinquish to his court by next Wednesday, the flagrante delicto video featuring Edwards and his then-pregnant mistress Rielle [...]
Clunkers for Toyotas
Clunkers for Toyotas February 5, 2010 by shf WASHINGTON (FASTLAUGH.com) — The Obama administration smacked the smug off the corporate face of Japanese auto giant Toyota this afternoon, holding an emergency press conference to announce an unprecedented relief program for U.S. consumers stuck with defective Toyota vehicles. U.S. Department of Transportation Deputy Secretary John D. [...]
Zsa Zsa as California’s First Princess?
Zsa Zsa as California’s First Princess? January 25, 2010 by shf WEST HOLLYWOOD, Calif. (FASTLAUGH.com) — Hungarian-born actress and socialite Zsa Zsa Gabor’s ninth husband, Prince Frederic von Anhalt, 65, held a news conference in West Hollywood on Monday to unveil a huge billboard of himself outfitted as a Park Avenue doorman, and to announce [...]
Leno wangles chance to bomb in former slot
Leno wangles chance to bomb in former slot January 22, 2010 by shf BURBANK, Calif. (FASTLAUGH.com) — Affiliates 1, NBC 0, Conan $45,000,000. Shortly after reaching a forty-five million dollar exit deal with Conan O’Brien, and yielding to a withering firestorm from burned affiliates earlier this month, panicked NBC executives yesterday revealed their latest scheme [...]
Edwards confesses paternity, continues denials of campaign fund misuse
Edwards confesses paternity, continues denials of campaign fund misuse January 21, 2010 by shf CHARLOTTE, N.C. (FASTLAUGH.com) – With his credibility irrevocably shattered after finally admitting this morning that he fathered a child with his mistress while his wife was valiantly battling incurable cancer, former North Carolina senator and failed presidential candidate John Edwards continues [...]
Labadee, Ladeedah
Labadee, Ladeedah January 20, 2010 by shf PORT-AU-PRINCE, Haiti (FASTLAUGH.com) – Royal Caribbean International fired back at its critics today for challenging its decision to continue port calls on its private Labadee resort located just 135 km from the horrific scenes of death and devastation in Port-au-Prince. Royal Caribbean’s President and CEO, Adam Goldstein, in [...]
Healthcare reform in hypocritical condition
Healthcare reform in hypocritical condition by shf January 10, 2010 WASHINGTON (FASTLAUGH.com) — Congress further dilutes healthcare reform as the usual partisan hacks point fingers and hurl accusations at each other for meaningless political gain over the day’s talking points and news cycle… That says it all for the moment.
Limbaugh: Tests confirm no heart, “Phantom Heart Syndrome”
Limbaugh: Tests confirm no heart, “Phantom Heart Syndrome” by shf January 3, 2010 HONOLULU (FASTLAUGH.com) – Archconservative U.S. radio host Rush Limbaugh took to the airwaves this morning to assure his faithful listeners that he was on the mend following two days of testing and hospitalization upon experiencing what he characterized as “…excruciating chest pains, [...]